Pillion Poked

This was written by William…

Hey Ho IRON JOHN Mateys!! Here is the official version of the accident. (i.e. what I told the police last night...) I picked Greg up at his flat at 8 am on Monday to take him to his bike in Parow (it had a flat tyre). I was entering the slipway onto Woolsack Drive from Rondebosch Main Road, when a young man attempted to run across the road in front of me. It was a weird scene: his brain had obviously sent the message to his legs to run across, but his eyes stretched wide open as he saw the bike approaching. His eyes could not relay the message thru to his legs fast enough, and he ran. I hit the hooter and the front brakes hard. He hit the bike just left of centre, flying off like a rag-doll. I thought he was dead or maimed for sure. While I was contending with an armful of broken windshield, plastic and dials, and bringing the bike to a stop, Greg jumped off to check on the lad. He lay there, dazed, while Greg shouted "Get up! Get up!" (also fearing the lad was dead) The lad got up, bruised and scratched, but not seriously hurt! His book-bag was a touch messed up. I picked up lots of plastic and Perspex pieces, and Greg and I continued on our mission to rescue his bike... "Yes officer, I promise, that it is what happened..." I said later that night… Bike damage : R13 500. Ouch.

What Really happened: I offered to pick Greg up in the morning to rescue his bike. We went along Rondebosch Main Road, and up toward UCT. So far so good.Then a young lad ran into the road, hoping to cross it in front of us.. Greg shouted "Get the bastaaaaaard!!!!" Greg's blood curdling scream awakened a deep primitive hunting instinct in me. Cross hairs appeared in my eyes. The young man tried to run back, pretended to swing right, darted left. But Greg, being an expert roller-blader was up on the footpegs, anticipating the prey's every move, We swerved left, right, left, hit the accelerator at the last moment and the young man went flying! Dazed and confused I slowed down. Greg did a back-flip off the slowing bike and raced to the victim. I turned round and saw Greg doing a rain dance round the motionless body shouting " Woooop, wooop, 10 points! 10 points! Whose your daddy, whose your daddy!!!!???" He then caught sight of the mangled book-bag, pointed and shouted with glee " Bonus point! Bonus point!!!" By this time civilization had returned to my mind, and with a mighty blow of my helmet onto his, I managed to daze Greg long enough to get him back onto the bike and let the cold wind cool his wild hunting frenzy. What was left of the youth nobody knows.

But I do now know why Greg has been in 3 bike accidents in his few months of biking. Be afraid out there.... Be very afraid.

THE PRESIDENT